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I told him that yes, he was worth this and much more, that the awfulness had definitely been a two-way street, and that he was loved.It was one of those glowing experiences, when you feel God, know you did the right thing, know that all’s right in the world.Grace, I finally understood, is not something that’s warm and fuzzy, at least not to the giver.
I’d long since bought gifts for most of my friends, but I couldn’t shake the realization that Josh needed more than just another CD.
A few days later, I overheard Josh telling someone else that he didn’t think he could trust me anymore. It was a simple sentence, not even spoken by Josh himself, but in light of my efforts to befriend him, it seemed particularly biting. I was regretting that I had taken all that time in December to make a gift for someone who was all too eager to be rid of me.
Every time I managed to still my sobs, I heard the sick sound bite again and shivered in hurt and anger. Would I have done it in the first place if I’d seen that this was going to happen? Then I remembered Jesus, crying out because he had been forsaken by His Father for the sake of humans who would later all too willingly forsake Him for a bit of popularity, acceptance, or personal gain.
“But I’ve treated you so awful in the past,” he shot back.
“You’re the last person that should be giving me this.” We talked for about 20 minutes more before we parted ways and drove home.